The Way It Should Have Been
by Casca
Summary: An AU fic involving Carter and Lucy. Chapters 7 now POSTED! :) R/R!
1. Be Still My Beating Heart

"Be Still My Beating Heart"

Title:Be Still My Beating Heart

Author:Casca [Casccara@yahoo.com][1]

Spoilers:YES, major spoilers from seasons 5-6

Archive:Not without permission from moi! J

Feedback:Yes, please! J

"Fine, you know what?_Forget it_, Carter," Med student Lucy Knight snapped, choking on a sob.She went back into the exam room where her patient sat, waiting.Forcing herself to stay calm and not show any emotion to the patient, she turned to the man seated on the exam table. 

"I'm sorry, Paul.It's going to be a little longer than I thought.The . . . um, doctor that I want to help assess you hasn't gotten back to me yet."She had wanted to say that the psychologist she'd paged to examine him hadn't responded to her page, leaving Lucy herself to rely on the residents help, specifically her resident advisor.However, her resident advisor, Dr. John Carter did not think it important enough to listen to what she had to say about Paul Sebricki.He seemed to think that she was not doing her job with other patients because she'd been focusing so much time on Sebricki.But what Dr. Carter did not know was that Lucy felt that Paul Sebricki was a danger to himself and possibly others if left alone.Correction.Carter did know how Lucy felt about the situation, he just didn't care.

That seemed to be Carter's theme song where Lucy was concerned. Since the first day she'd been assigned to him, he'd treated her as if he had something personal against her.She could do nothing right with him so she'd given up on trying to impress him ages ago.Now it seemed as if all she did was try to survive his constant neglegance in helping her with her patients.A while ago, she'd start to consider him her friend.But how could a person not want to help his friend succeed?How could a _teacher_ not want to help his _student_ succeed?

These were her thoughts as she checked Paul's BP for the fifth time that day.If Psyche didn't get back to her soon, she didn't know what she would do.Close to tears, she told Paul she'd be right back and not to move, and went out to find Dr. Carter again.She would just have to do something drastic to get his attention.Laughter bubbled up in her throat as she envisioned herself jumping up and down, screaming on top of her lungs at him right in the middle of the ER.Heck, it was so crazy around there, she doubted if anyone would notice.

"And what a pretty smile she has!" exclaimed a kind voice to her left.She turned to look at the source of the voice, a kind man in an open supply closet.She smiled."If you're talking about me, Yosh, I cannot even imagine what I look like.Pretty smile, my butt."

"Sounds like you're having a bad day.Let me cheer you up!"He leafed through a bright red bag he'd obviously been carrying around and pulled out a bright red envelope."Happy Valentines Day, Lucy!"

She really smiled then."Thanks, Yosh," Lucy opened up the envelope to see a huge heart with mushy valentines greetings on it.

Lucy jumped at sudden loud music coming from the ER desk.She glanced over and saw the beginnings of the Valentines Day party taking shape.She would give anything for a piece of that blue cake she'd seen Chuni cutting up earlier.Then she thought to herself, why not?If everyone else can do it, why not me?She stepped out into the hall to go and check on Paul Sebricki before going to get cake and the music seemed to swell.She tossed the red envelope in a garbage and as she trotted down the long hallway to the exam room.Reading the mushy sentiments printed inside the huge red heart with a soft smile on her face, she pushed open the door to the exam room.

She stopped short, confused.The room was completely dark, she could barely see the outlines of the exam table and instruments."Paul?" she asked and turned to leave.But something pushed her back, hard into a wall."What . . ." her voice was droned by the loud blaring music that could still be heard from the ER."Help me-" But she never got a chance to finish her plea.Pain erupted all over as she felt herself being cut, stabbed.She cried out, but couldn't hear her own voice.A bright sharp pain sliced through her abdomen.She screamed in anguish and then fear.She was screaming as loud as she could, but all she could hear was the heavy beat of the music getting louder and louder. Pain was everywhere in her neck, chest, stomach.The blast of the music echoed in her head, louder than ever.She felt herself falling, falling, until she met with cold floor.

Her eyes opened what seemed like an eternity later, but was only a few seconds.She lay on her stomach, on the cold floor of the exam room.The pain was unbearable and the blood . . . For the first time she saw the blood, pools of it right next her.Who's blood was that?Which patient died?She touched her throat and was met with throbbing pain.She brought her hand down and saw the smears of bright red.Her blood.It was all hers.The pain was hers too . . . this tragedy, it was happening to her.

"Help," she tried to say, but there was no sound from her.I'm dying, she thought.I need help, I'm dying.Dying . . .She saw a thin line of light and realized that it was coming from under the door.Desperately, she tried to move, and succeeded in inching her way forward, towards the light.She cried out in agony as the pain tripled.She tried again and went to move her arm.But the pain had her stopping.She lay there and thought . . ._I'm dying . . . My mom . . . I want my mom . . . Someone help . . . please . . ._

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Lucy didn't suture that leg lac, yet?" Carter demanded loudly over the music as he looked at the board behind the ER front desk.

"Still waiting on a psyche consult in exam 3!"Lily shouted and laughed as Malik pulled her into a wild tango.

Carter shook his head and strode across the ER, making a sharp turn down the hallway where he last spoke to Lucy.He rolled his eyes at the thought of her.She didn't understand that being an ER doctor meant getting in as many patients as possible, not focusing all your time on one specific patient.

_Yes, but that was you a few years ago_, a little voice told him.He laughed to himself.Yes, it had been him a few years ago.Getting emotionally involved with the patients was inevitable for med students.Hell, he had a hard time detaching himself to this day.He should have cut Lucy a bit more slack, he thought.She'd seemed pretty stressed.Well, he'd take care of Sebricki and then bring Lucy back to the party.Maybe he'd ask her to dance to cheer her up.

Reaching up, he pushed the exam room door open and strode inside.Confused by the darkness, he looked around and didn't see anyone.Figuring that psyche had finally made it down and brought Sebricki up, Carter glanced around for Lucy.He saw a glint on the floor and bent down to pick up the huge red heart.Smiling to himself, he read the Valentine Yosh had given Lucy.

And before he knew what was happening, pain erupted in his back, a sharp pain that seemed to slice through his body.He stumbled and tried to focus . . . he must have had a spasm or something.Reaching around, he started to massage the ache and the pain exploded at his touch.He stared at the blood soaking his fingers and he knew he wasn't alone in the room.

The music blared on, piercing notes and heavy drums.He gripped something for balance, but heard more loud banging noises.He was on the ice cold floor, rolling over, trying to move so that the pain was gone.But it wouldn't go away.He lay still his face smashed against the floor, he tried to get up, but failed and his wieght seemed to collaspe on the cold floor.He laid his head down.And what he saw made his heart stop.

"Lucy," he stammered, staring in horror.

Her face was covered with tears and blood . . . her blue eyes were huge and unfocused as they stared at Carter without emotion.He watched as they closed.

"No," he muttered and began to move.Inch by inch, centimeter by centimeter, like an insect, he made his way towards her.The pain sliced through him like a thousand knives.He reached her finally and had to press his cheek to the floor to try and stop the pain.Lucy opened her eyes to gaze unseeingly at him, their faces so close their noses were practically touching.

"We gotta . . . get help . . ." Carter said breathlessly.The pain was starting to go away and in it's place was a dull haze.Lucy continued to stare at him hazily, her eyes fixed, her breathing shallow."The door . . ." he whispered."We gotta . . . the door . . ."He felt himself slipping into oblivion, a wonderful darkness where there wasn't any pain... He felt something on his hand which was close to his face.Lucy's fingertips were inching their way over his hand. She gripped his hand weakly.Finally understanding why she wasn't fighting to live, he clutched her hand in return and let the blackness take over.

Interrupting the dark oblivion was a light . . . one . . . two . . . three lights. . . Carter flung his eyes open and the familiar pain was back.He heard voices, loud voices calling out medical instructions, saying his name, saying other, familiar names . . . His vision came into focus and he saw a familiar face and his eyes clung onto it."Deb?" his voice creaked.She was speaking to him, so were others."My back . . ." 

"Relax, man, try to relax."

Carter gazed up at Benton and he knew something was wrong, terribly wrong.A paper heart flashed across his mind . . . then the pain seemed to make sense . . . he'd been hurt . . . the blood.Lucy's face swam in his mind, covered in blood.They'd both been hurt.

"Lucy," he croaked.As if it were ment to, his head fell to the side and he saw her, across the way, laying on another table just like he was."Is that Lucy?" he asked, desperate to know if she were alive . . . or if she'd been consumed by that wonderful darkness where there was no pain.

Fear was there, like the sharp knife that had stabbed him.If he died . . . he couldn't die.But if Lucy had to die, then he had to . . . there was no question about it . . . it would be fair.The haze was coming back, slowly romancing him.

"Carter,"a sharp voice said and Carter's eyes snapped to Benton's."Don't do that."

"What?" he croaked.

"Don't close your eyes . . . stay with me, man.Look at me, look right at me."

He nodded ever so slightly . . . he couldn't think about Lucy . . . he couldn't think about the sharp pain in his back or the fact that he might die.All he could do was focus, focus on Benton and on keeping his eyes open.

Lucy lay flat on her back as her eyes fluttered open.It was strange . . . she couldn't feel her body . . . or parts of her body.Her legs found feeling and she moved her feet slightly.She tried to adjust her body, but couldn't . . . a huge weight was holding down her chest, an invisible force that frightened her to no end.Lucy heard soft beeping sounds and clanging metal in the distance, but other than that it was quiet.Nothing but the screaming pain in her body.

And she remembered.She'd been stabbed . . .She'd thought that she was going to die . . . what happened?Had someone saved them?Them . . . Carter.The last thing she remembered was Carter calling for help . . . his voice echoed in her head.Something about a door . . .

"Lucy," a soft voice spoke and Lucy looked up into the face of Dr. Corday.She stared."Do you know what happened?"

She tried to nod.  
"Okay," Lizzie said and began to tell Lucy slowly what her injuries were.She heard the words "aorta" and "open"and "heart."She'd been injured near her heart and they had begun to repair it in the ER.Now they would opperate.She knew the odds, knew the trouble that her life was in.She would die, probably.It wasn't good, not good at all.

"Don't worry Miss Knight, we put far too much effort into your training to lose you now." Her eyes slid to the side and she saw Dr. Romano gathering tools.Dr Romano . . . he was the best ... the very best . . . if he were working on her . . .

But the horrible things she'd just lived through haunted her again.She'd had a treck?Her chest had been cut open?Something told her that even though it was the most horrible thing she could imagine, she knew she had to accept it and try and get through this.There was no getting around it . . . she needed to beat this, she would not give up.

Just then she started to hear beeps of all kinds, loud, shrill noises that blended in with the loud thrash of the music that was blaring in her head.Familiar music.She was falling again, on the cold floor of exam three, laying in her own blood. 

As she crashed Lizzie and Romano frantically began to work.

Many, many minutes had passed.Lizzie had tears streaming down her face and Romano had a crazed look in his eyes every time Lizzie yelled "clear!" And they shocked Lucy's heart with the internal paddles.Romano tried to focus, he'd never ever in his entire career felt like this.As he held his med student's heart in his hand, as he watched her body jerk with each shock, he knew there was no hope."That's it we've done everything we can."He and Lizzie shared horrified looks and help up their hands, watching the monitors with a false hope.

She flatlined.

Romano sent a supplies table flying."Son of a bitch."

Lizzie stood there, staring at nothing, uanable to believe.

"No," Romano said."NO." he repeated it and marched back to Lucy's body."Another round.Come on Lizzie, come on!!"

"Robert . . . " she whisperred.

"Now, Elizabeth.Give the last eppy a chance to circulate."

Tears streaming down her face, Lizzie held up the paddles."Clear."

_Beep! _

Their eyes met, horrified, glorified. "V Fib."

"Again!" Lizzie shouted.

Silence.Then, _Beep, beep, beep . . . _

"We've got a rythm!Elizabeth, we've got a rythm!"

Elizabeth just stood there, stripped her hands of her gloves and pressed her hands to her mouth.

Lucy was alive.

[To Be Continued . . .][2]

[Other fanfic by Casca at:][2]

[Between the Lines - A Fanfic Archive][2]

[Feedback is welcome!][2]

[Casccara@yahoo.com][2]

_ _

   [1]: mailto:Casccara@yahoo.com
   [2]: http://www.agentsndoctors.50megs.com/



	2. The Days That Followed

Author: Casca  Casccara@yahoo.com

Title:  The Days That Followed

Classification: Carter/Lucy agnst/friendship

Spoilers: Yes, "Be Still My Heart," "All in the Family"

Feedback: Yes, please!! 

Rating: PG-13

Archive:  Not without permission from moi! 

Disclaimer

February 15th, 3:02 am

"Is she dead?" came the voice of John Carter.  The voice was hoarse, as he hadn't spoken at all for hours.  It was tired, as his body had just been through a physical war.  Eight hours ago, he'd been at a Valentines Day party in the ER.  Now he was lying in a hospital bed after being brutally attacked and stabbed.  His usual sparkling brown eyes were now flat and expressionless as if a window had been closed over them.  His back felt as though it were being stabbed over and over again.  And despite the severity of his physical pain, Carter felt absolutely numb.

He stared at Dr. Benton and obeyed when commanded to lift his leg.  Carter closed his eyes against the slicing pain that shot through his body.  He barely heard Dr. Benton's comments.  Silence fell upon them.

Carter said it again.  "Lucy's dead, isn't she?"  Suddenly he knew that whatever the answer was, he wouldn't be able to feel good or bad.  He wasn't sure he'd be able to feel anything.  Ever.

Benton looked away.  "No.  She's alive."

Carter glanced up, realizing that he'd been wrong about not feeling anything.  The emotions that raced through him nearly left him breathless.  "Alive?"

Benton nodded, unable to meet Carter's eyes.  "She's alive."  But Benton could feel Carter staring at him and when he looked at him and saw the hope in his eyes, his heart almost broke.  

"Tell me."

Very quietly, very slowly, Benton told Carter exactly what Lucy's condition was.  He didn't leave anything out because he knew he couldn't protect Carter from the truth.  And as he spoke of the location of Lucy's stab wounds, the procedures that had been done to her, and what needed to be done to keep her alive, Benton watched the light that had come into Carter's eyes slowly die.

Carter didn't feel the tears that came into his eyes, didn't feel the pain in his tightly clenched jaw or even the pain that was currently stabbing him in the back.  He turned his head and stared at nothing, trying to get his mind around what he'd just heard.  Trying to come to terms with the fact that even though Lucy was alive right now, the chance of her surviving was slim, if there even was a chance.

"It's not your fault, man."

Carter said nothing.  

"Come on, Carter, you can't blame yourself.  If you did, you'd have to blame everybody."

When Carter continued to say nothing, Benton told him to get some sleep and that he'd be back in the morning.

Random thoughts drifted in and out of Carter's head as he lay awake for nearly the entire night.  He remembered walking into the darkened room completely oblivious that Lucy lay dying at his feet.  He remembered laying on the floor hoping the door would open and someone would walk in.  He remembered yelling at Lucy all day about Paul Sebricki.  He remembered holding the son of a bitch while Lucy performed a spinal tap.  

Voices drifted in and out of his head as well.  Lucy's hopeless voice was moaning during the spinal tap—"I can't!"  Paul Sebricki's voice was screaming in pain.  "Don't stick me, don't stick me!"  He heard Dr. Benton telling him to focus, to keep his eyes open.  

As he started to get sleepy, he thought of other things, things that didn't even relate to the tragedy.  His Gamma making him soup after high school every day . . . playing a game with a cancer patient on his graduation night . . . becoming a resident . . .   

He heard music, too, a song that carved itself into his memory, a loud, maddening song that blared in his head even after he fell into a restless, fitful sleep.

~*~*~*~

Barbara Knight slammed the cab door and raced across the busy Chicago street, one hand gripping her purse, the other hand grasping the duffel bag she'd fleetingly packed back at home.  She'd dashed around her house like a maniac, packing the bag, calling her own parents, and trying not lose it after receiving a phone call that was every parents' worst fear.

Her daughter, her baby, lay in a hospital after being attacked.

Her mind clicked off at the thought.  She just had to get there.  She had to get to her daughter.

She entered the ER looking like a wild woman.  After looking frantically around, she found the front desk and ran to it as if it were her salvation.

Kerry, Mark, Randi, Dave, and Malik looked up as Barbara Knight came to a halt at the desk.  Her tear streaked face and red eyes pleaded with them 

"My daughter," she choked.  "My daughter is Lucy Knight.  Please . . ."

"Come with me, Ms Knight," Kerry said quickly, and came from behind the desk.  She put an arm around Barbara's shoulders and lead her into the elevator.  The elevator doors opened on the ICU floor and they found themselves face to face with Elizabeth Corday. 

After they had revived Lucy, Lizzie and Dr. Romano had repaired the blood clot and Pulmonary Embolism without any big complications.  It had been quite odd, but when Lucy's heart had started beating again, it seemed her body had fought as hard as it could to stay alive.

"Elizabeth, this is Ms Knight, Lucy's mom," Kerry said softly.

Elizabeth reached out to take Barbara's hand.  "Of course.  My God, I am so sorry."

"Elizabeth helped to revive Lucy in surgery," Kerry told her.

Tears filled Barbara's eyes.  "Thank you," she whispered.  "Please, tell me what's going on.  What are her . . . injuries?"

 "She's doing well, I'm please to say, as well as can be expected.  However, her injuries are severe and it will be a long road to recovery.  She's in a comatose state right now so we'll know more when she awakens." Elizabeth made sure to say "when" and not "if."  "I must tell you that there is a possibility, if more complications arise, that her life may be in danger again.  The odds . . . well, lets just say that the odds are not very good, statistically."

Barbara's hand flew to her mouth.

"But the worst is over, and she got through the worst.  She's strong and stubborn, to be quite honest.  Lucy will get through this.  I promised her that I would get her through this.  And I will do everything in my power to keep that promise.  I swear."

All three women had tears in their eyes by then as Lizzie found herself being hugged by Lucy's mom.  

"The next twenty-four hours are critical.  If she can get through them, the odds will be more in her favor.  Come on," Lizzie said.  "I'll take you to her."

Barbara nodded, and struggled with her things to wipe her eyes.  Kerry offered to take her bags for her and Lizzie lead her into the ICU.

When she saw her daughter laying in the bed, Barbara Knight almost lost it, but she held on for Lucy's sake.  She bent down to press a kiss to Lucy's forehead and sat in the chair that Lizzie pulled up for her.  A nurse came in to announce that visiting hours were over.  When Barbara looked up in panic, Lizzie told the nurse not to disturb Miss. Knight for the rest of the night.  

So she stayed all night long, stroking her daughter's hair and whispering soft nothings to her.  The last thing Barbara Knight said to her daughter was that she needed to wake up.  After that, she slipped into an uncomfortable sleep in the hospital chair.

~*~*~*~

The next few days were some of the toughest days in Carter's life.  The physical therapy began as soon as the swelling had gone down and Carter was finding it more difficult than he'd ever imagined.  The physical pain was horrible, but the emotional strain left him shattered.  Carter thought of nothing but the attack and the events that had preceded it.

He had encouragement.  Most of his friends from the ER came up to see him daily.  Deb came up two to three times a day, as did Dr. Benton.  Dr. Weaver often brought him some of her home cooking, which he'd admitted to her that he missed more than anything.  He hadn't thought much about it, but his little basement apartment was like home to him.  And he wished he was there.

He hadn't gone to see Lucy.  The afternoon after the attack, Lucy had woken up from her coma.  Carter had found out that she was awake from Deb.  Deb had burst into his room and told him everything in an excited voice.  Lucy had woken, her vitals were good.  After the initial shock, quiet relief took over him.  

"John?" Deb had persisted in trying to get him to voice how he felt, but Carter didn't know how to talk about the feelings that were going on inside him.  He had thought that Lucy would die and that her death would be his fault.  But now that she was alive, it didn't take the blame off of him.  He was still responsible for the fact that she would have to endure months, even years of recovery.  Would she blame herself?  Would she blame him?  And if she did, would she ever be able to forgive him?

~*~*~*~

Lucy Knight opened her eyes slowly and tried to focus on the room she was lying in.  As she did every time she awoke, she tried to move her body more than she'd done the last time.  Lucy didn't usually have much luck at this.  It took all her energy to lift her arm or even shift her back.  Her mother was usually right there to ask her if she needed anything, if she wanted the pillow adjusted or the blankets arranged.  This time, she focused on her legs.  She bent her right leg at the knee and started to draw it up. She could hear her knee joints cracking and suddenly, her abdomen was filled with such a severe pain that she cried out softly and let her leg straiten out.  She blinked away the tears of frustration and closed her eyes against the pain.  

"Honey- what's wrong."  Lucy's mother rushed into the room, placing a Styrofoam cup of coffee on the night stand and bent over her daughter.  "What is it?"

"Nothing," she sniffed and pressed her face into the pillow.  "I just can't move that's all."

"It'll get better.  You just have to take it easy and try not to move so much. At least that was what Dr. Corday said."

"I know," she whispered flatly and stared at the nightstand.  She couldn't feel angry with herself any longer about what had happened.  She couldn't feel guilty anymore, she just couldn't.  But it had been her fault, the whole thing.  She wondered if Carter would be able to forgive her. She wondered if she would be able to forgive herself.   When fatigue prevented her from thinking anymore, she turned her head to snuggle into the pillow.  "I'm so tired, Mom.  Always so tired . . ." she drifted off to sleep.

Barbara Knight sighed and rubbed her knuckles over her daughters cheek.  "I know, honey."  

~*~*~*~

"Your mother and father send their love," Gamma told Carter quietly and tried not to wince at the look her gave her.  Millicent Carter was almost as hurt as her grandson that her son and daughter-in-law wouldn't come home to their wounded son.  "They didn't do it to hurt you.  You know how your mother is."

"Yeah," Carter said numbly.  "Whatever.  How is everything back at the house?"

Carter was sitting in his wheel chair while Millicent paced back and forth in the room.  He wanted to tell her she was making him nervous, but decided to let it go.  After all, this was the first time he'd talked to her in months after her little temper tantrum about cutting him off from the family fortune.    

"Fine, fine.  Any news on the condition of your friend?"

The guilt was there and her name hadn't even been mentioned.  "Lucy's doing well.  Her condition gets better every day so-"  
           "I know all that, I asked the nurse.  I want to know how she's doing.  Is she handling everything okay, poor child?"

Carter glanced at the window.  "Uh, I'm not sure."

Millicent narrowed her eyes, noting that John was looking everywhere except at her.  "Well, why not?  How are her spirits?"

"I don't know.  I haven't gone to see her."

Millicent was taken aback.  "What? Well, why not? I thought you said you were friends with her, why haven't you-"

"Because," he interrupted angrily.  "Do I need a reason?  I just don't want to see her right now."

Millicent Carter stared.  Surely this wasn't her grandson, the kind, compassionate boy she'd raised.  That young man who had always wanted to comfort and help people.  She studied his face which was clearly fighting to conceal the emotions he felt.  

"Why don't you want to see her?" she asked gently.

Carter shook his head.  "I can't.  What if . . . She may blame me for all of this-"

"Absurd."

"It's the truth.  Most of this could have been prevented, I'm partially to blame-"

"You're to blame for a psychopathic murderer-"

"No.  But he was under my care. Mine and Lucy's.  I left her alone to deal with him and he nearly killed her."

"He nearly killed you, too," came Millicent's sharp voice.  

Carter laughed a bitter laugh.  "Yeah.  Do know how it happened, Gamma?  Why it happened?  I was looking for her to yell at her.  I was looking for Lucy to tell her she was doing the wrong thing.  Only the thing is, I didn't need to find her to tell her that.  I'd told her that all day."

Millicent narrowed her eyes at the guilt that she heard in his voice and saw in his tortured eyes.  Loyalty to her grandson came through with a vengeance and Lucy Knight slipped a notch on her list.  If the girl was a med student, she should have known when a patient was dangerous or not.  

Millicent walked over to her grandson and hugged him.  "I'm going to go get a cup of tea from the cafeteria.  Get some rest."

Carter nearly rolled his eyes at everyone's favorite phrase to tell him just before they left him. _Get some rest._  Wasn't he getting enough rest for everyone?

Millicent strode out of the room, angry at the fact that her grandson blamed himself for this tragedy.  As if he didn't have enough on his mind with the physical therapy and the absence of his parents.  Fury filled her as she pictured John going back to his room after a grueling physical therapy session and not being able to relax because of the guilt her felt for this girl.  No friend should have that kind of hold on him. Or-  She stopped.  Was it possible that her grandson had feelings for this girl?  Well, she could care less if he had feelings for her or not.

"The room of Lucy Knight, please," she asked the nurse at the desk.

"Miss Knight's been moved to ICU again.  Third floor down the north corridor."

ICU?  Millicent tried not to look so startled.  Had her condition gotten worse?  Millicent's main concern was her grandson, of course, and if Lucy's condition had gotten worse, it would affect him.

"Lucy Knight, please?" she asked again at the Intensive Care Unit.  

"Down the hall, fifth curtain on the right.  She was just moved here from recovery due to a high fever.  Five minute visits only, please."

Millicent walked down the hall, thinking that she would stay as long as she needed to in order for her to get an acute opinion of the girl who was the cause of such guilt for her grandson.

Millicent Carter entered the room swiftly and what she saw made her hesitate, something she rarely did.  The girl was tiny and from a distance looked like a child.  As she approached, she saw a tired but pretty face streaked with dry tears laying against the stark white pillow with her eyes closed.  There were bandages all up and down her neck and chest where the loose nightgown didn't cover.  There were slight bruises on her face along with broken blood vessels contrasting deeply with her pale, pale skin.  She had an IV in her arm and tubes in her nose. Millicent watched the girl open her eyes.

Sensing someone in the room, Lucy opened her eyes and tried to lift her pounding head.  She immediately put her head back down on the pillow and closed her eyes against the headache the fever had given her.  She sighed and tried to focus her aching eyes on her visitor.

"Hello," Millicent said.  "I'm Millicent Carter."  She saw Lucy's tired blue eyes flicker recognition.  So she knew about her.

Lucy tried to smile.  "Hello.  It's nice to meet you," she whispered and had to swallow.  Her throat was still very sore.

Millicent searched for words.  "I- I've just been to see my grandson.  He spoke of you."  She watched Lucy closely at this and what she saw in the girl's bright blue eyes were naked emotions.  There was pain and concern and . . . was that guilt, also?  

"They told me about his condition," Lucy whispered and paused.  It seemed she could talk much without pausing to take a breath and swallow.  "How is he doing?"

The word "fine" popped into Millicent's head.  It wasn't completely true, but in comparison to Lucy's condition, Carter was most certainly doing fine. He was doing great, in fact.  Millicent didn't voice these opinions, she simply gave Lucy a brief rundown of what she knew.  

"I'm glad he's doing well," Lucy said, trying to smile again.

"Yes, so am I." Millicent looked at Lucy closely. "And how are you doing?"

"Eh . . . as soon as I shake this fever, I'll be good as new," she joked on a shaky breath, trying to keep her eyes open against the sudden bout of exhaustion.

Any anger that had been left over after Millicent had seen Lucy's eyes when asked about John, vanished.  She found herself sitting down in the chair next to Lucy's bed and covering the girl's hand with one of her own.  "He's very worried about you.  He's very concerned."

Lucy gave in and closed her eyes.  When she opened them, she looked into Millicent's and implored her.  "He isn't . . . angry with me?"

"Heaven's no," Millicent said quickly.  "Why would he be-"  She broke off, admitting something she rarely admitted to herself—she'd been wrong.  She fixed Lucy with a stern stare, not very different from the look she'd given her grandson a few minutes ago. "Do not blame yourself.  That will not get you anywhere, least of all recovered.  You have far better things to think about and far better things to focus your energy on. Blaming yourself will not do anything for your health or for your life.  Trust me."

Lucy tried to nod.  The truth was that she was more than choked up by what Millicent Carter was telling her.  This woman had every right to blame Lucy for Carter getting hurt and here she was, giving her advice.  "Thank you," she whispered.  

Millicent inclined her head.  "You're weary.  Get some rest, my dear."  Millicent stood still before removing her hand from Lucy's.  

Unlike Carter, Lucy loved to hear someone tell her to get some rest.  God knew she needed it.  Her eyes closed as Millicent squeezed Lucy's hand gently.  

"Sleep well."

Millicent Carter walked out of the Intensive Care Unit with a good deal to think about.  

To Be Continued…

Feedback is welcome!

Casccara@yahoo.com

More Harry Potter Fanfic by Casca at: 

_The Hidden Tower_

http://hiddentower.50megs.com

And ER Fanfic by Casca at:

_Between the Lines _

http://agentsndoctors.50megs.com 


	3. Where You Least Expect it

Author: Casca  Casccara@yahoo.com

Title:  Where You Least Expect It

Classification: Carter and Lucy friendship, Carter angst, rewrite to Sand and Water

Spoilers: Yup, major ones revolving around Carter and Lucy stuff during 5th, 6th & 7th seasons.

Archive:  Not without permission from moi! J

Time Frame: This takes place in August, six months after Carter and Lucy are stabbed.  Carter has just returned home from rehab in Atlanta.  I know, I bent time a little bit here, but what can I say?  I don't write my stories around sweeps like some people do.  ;-)

Author's note: Okay, here goes. IMOHO, Lucy's death was a huge farce.  Another mistake was replacing her with Abby so soon.  It seemed like no time had passed before Carter was falling all over Abby and TPTB were putting Abby into these stories that I fel rightfully belonged to Lucy.  I was so upset this happened that I decided to write an AU fic that put Lucy in place of Abby.  This is truly how I believe this story could have panned out if Kellie Martin had remained on the show.  It just makes too much sense.  It is NOT replacing Abby with Lucy word for word, it is written for Carter and Lucy's situation ONLY.  But some of the things that Carter and Abby shared, I feel rightfully belonged to Lucy and Carter.  Just give it a chance and let me know what you think. 

Dr. John Carter pulled his jeep Wrangler convertible into a parking space in the large parking lot, turned off the ignition and leaned his head back against the seat.  He closed his eyes and then opened them to look around.  He was about to walk into his first AA meeting.  Well, not his first one ever, but his first one here at home.  In Atlanta he'd been forced to go . . . what else was there to do there, but survive through everyone else?  Now he was home and what else was there to do, but survive on his own?

He really wanted to leave.  He could.  He could start the car and drive away.  But then where would he be?  In the meeting with Weaver tomorrow night telling her he'd been home for a week and hadn't gone to one meeting.  No.  

Carter shoved the car door open and slammed it shut.  The cool night air met him as he took his first steps towards the building. It was dark out.  Night meetings were better, he decided.  Less reality in the dark than in the light.  

He met the coffee guy on the way in and helped him carry some food.  The meeting had already started and he sat down in the back and listened to the speaker, a middle aged woman who was talking about the alcohol she didn't drink at her son's twenty first birthday party.  

            Carter let his eyes wander around the people.  He enjoyed watching the people, other people, with problems that could mirror his.  None were the same of course.  And most people here weren't doctors like in Atlanta.  But still, at some point in their lives, they had felt the exact same feelings that he had.  Whether they'd been thinking about cocaine or alcohol or pain killers, he could identify with them.  

            His eyes landed on an elderly man who looked in shambles, traveled to a sleek looking woman in her forties, then a young man, probably just old enough to drive, a young woman wearing a cap on her head…  Carter's eyes returned to the young woman… there was something very familiar about her… he could swear that she looked like… But that was impossible.  What would Lucy Knight be doing at an AA meeting?  He blinked suddenly and his mind was transported back two years ago.  

            "_Carter, I need support on this.  Please."_

            "Look, Lucy, I think it's great that your trying to get off the Ritalin, I really do, but I can't hold your hand through this …"

            It had been a huge turning point in Carter's and Lucy's friendship, his refusal to help her with her addiction.  Carter stared at the back of the woman's head, willing her to turn around.  He barely heard any of the speakers as he stared at the girl's back and she lifted her hand and flipped a blonde ponytail off her shoulder.  Carter was becoming more convinced by the minute.  

            Everyone in the room started as a cel phone rang and Carter glanced around quickly before turning back to the girl.  She was gone!  He looked around and saw her muffling her cel phone and trotting quickly to the door.

            It was Lucy.

            Carter waited for a long time after the meeting in case Lucy returned, but she didn't.  Apparently her phone call had been of some importance and she'd had to leave.  It had been a shock, seeing her as a normal person.  True, he hadn't gotten a good look at her face, but if he'd seen her on the street, he never would have believed that she'd been stabbed and hospitalized for months. The last time he'd seen her, she'd been in the ICU recovering from the many surgical procedures that she'd undergone.  It had been touch and go for almost three months after Valentines Day.  Lucy's condition went up and down as many complications had unfolded.  She'd been comatose for a large part of those months.  But she'd slowly gotten better, each surgery leaving her physically weaker, but internally stronger.  The night Carter had left for Atlanta, she'd been just out of surgery having to do with complications from the stab wounds to her abdomen.  He'd gone to see her that night, he recalled.  Not knowing about the intervention that had been planned for him, he'd gone to see Lucy to get his mind off the fact that everyone thought he was an addict.  But it hadn't helped, it had very nearly sent him over the edge.  He'd started to just leave the hospital to go home and he'd walked into his own intervention.  And he'd been pushed over that edge.

Carter's mind wandered as he drove home, listening to an old Elton John song on his car radio.  It didn't take long for his mind to wander back to Lucy.  He couldn't believe she was in AA.  The Ritalin, of course.  She'd been addicted to Ritalin.  _How funny the things we forget_.  How he'd treated her during that period… how he'd thought of her as weak because of her addiction… and how he'd judged her.  

            How sick he was of being appalled at his behavior.  Over the last few months, he'd learned to stop making excuses for himself, for any behavior he was ashamed of.  There were many situations with many people he was very ashamed of, and the way he'd treated Lucy was pretty high on the list.  He needed to keep reminding himself that his drug addiction did not happen because of the stabbing.  The truth was that he hadn't been the same since Anna had left and his Grandmother had cut him off.  Sure, everything with Gamma was fine now and he hadn't thought about Anna in years, but those events had started a change in him.  He'd never been the kind of person to ignore a friend when she asked for help.  He never judged people.  And he had never lied to himself before.  

            _How did I lose myself?_

It seemed he couldn't answer that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Carter's meeting with Drs Weaver and Greene went smoothly enough, although he didn't really get angry until he'd walked out of County and got into his car.  He shouldn't be angry, he should be grateful for this chance.  Three months ago, his behavior had been appalling and here they were, giving him a second chance, believing in him.  _Not quite_, he reminded himself, remembering how it had felt when Dr. Greene had given him the Neltrexon and poured him a glass of water.  Carter had taken the meds in front of them, unable to believe he was in this situation.  Unable to believe they had to babysit him.  He would be returning to County, but as what?  He felt like he was starting on as a med student again.  Basically he was is the same spot he'd been in that one day three months ago when he'd been asked not to see patients, not to prescribe meds, and not to participate in traumas.  Random drug tests, the Neltrexon, ninty AA meetings in ninty days, work shifts only one or two days a week, eight hours a day.

The worst part was even though Carter wanted to be able to stand up for himself and say he was completely cured, and that traumas and patients would not affect him dangerously, it would be an outright lie.  The thought of entering a trauma and seeing actual blood frightened him.  He knew deep down that the attack would always be with him, hovering over his shoulder like a ghost.  Carter knew, and it hurt like nothing else, that he would never truly be the same again.

He made a turn onto the Eisenhower, purposely heading downtown and away from home.  Carter was not in the mood to deal with his Gamma's questions about how the meeting went and what he was feeling about going back.  He knew it was because she cared about him and wanted him to be well, but it still bothered him sometimes.  Perhaps because he knew there was really nowhere else he could go to for support.  Or rather, there was no one else to go to.

There was Dr. Benton. His teacher, his mentor and finally friend who'd been there for him during the darkest hours of his life.  It had been Dr. Benton's voice which had kept him sane when Carter had been lying on a gurney wondering if he was going to live or die.  It had been Dr. Benton who had stood in front of Carter and forced him to admit to the addiction.  And it was Dr. Benton who'd gone with him to rehab instead of just seeing him off.  Carter had always admired Benton immensely.  But the truth remained that Benton had his own life and family to deal with.  

Just then Carter spotted a diner at the corner of Congress and Michigan and decided he could go for a hot cup of coffee.  He walked into the diner and had to smile at the old fashioned feel of the place.  There was a shiny counter with brightly colored napkin dispensers and twirly stools.  Huge pictures of old Chicago hung on the walls and Carter became taken with one that depicted Lake Shore Drive in the 1940's.

"Anywhere you like, son."  

Carter looked up to see a large man with thick gray hair and a kind face behind the counter gesturing around.  "You can sit anywhere you want," He repeated at Carter's blank look.  

"Thanks," he said and found a booth with an ashtray.  He turned over his coffee cup and an instant later, a waitress was filling it up.  "Special tonight is the spaghetti and meatballs, but I don't recommend it.  Soup is minestrone, which I do recommend."

"Uh, just coffee, thanks."

"Holler if ya need anything," she said, snapping on her gum and winking flirtatiously at it him.  She was approximately ten years younger than his Gamma.

"Thank you," he repeated and smiled.  Then he lit a cigarette and flipped the ashtray closer to him.  He was just trying to pin point when it was that he'd started smoking when the jingling bells of the door opening interrupted his thoughts and a voice from the past began to speak.

"Hey, Al.  Can I get an iced mocha to go, please?"

"Sure thing, cutie."

Carter couldn't believe his eyes.  Lucy Knight was standing a few feet away from him, smiling at the guy behind the counter as if she did it every single day of her life.  And for the first time in a long time, he really saw her.  She looked …normal.  One would never know by looking at her that she'd been a victim of a nearly fatal attack. She was standing straight, dressed in normal shorts and a sweater, her shiny hair, windblown and spilling passed her shoulders.  She looked … lovely.

What was this tightening in his chest?  Panic?  Why should he be panicked?  It was just Lucy.  In the split second before he made his presence known dozens of questions ran through his head, but one stuck out more than the rest.

_Does she blame me?  _

He found himself blurting out, "Hey."

Lucy turned around, her eyes alert.  When she saw Carter, her entire face softened.  "Hey," she said, starting to smile.  

Because he wanted to, he got up from the booth and walked over to her.  Her smile widened and she held out her hand.  He took it and squeezed.  "How are you?" he asked.

She nodded and her eyes met his.  "Okay.  I'm… okay."  It was her eyes, he thought.  Looking into her eyes told him she wasn't okay, not by any means.  There was a sadness there, a kind of haunted look that told whoever was looking into her eyes that she'd been through something terrible.  Even though her eyes were smiling at him, the sadness showed through.  It went deeper.

"Stupid question, huh?" he asked quietly.

She shrugged and squeezed his hand back. "Well, you know."

"Yeah, I know.  You look, um, you look good."

She smiled back at him.  "You do, too."

"Of all the diners in all the world," he joked softly.

She laughed. "You walk into mine," she said and let his hand go.  

"I think that's the other way around."

"Nope.  I live down the street."

"Down Michigan?  What about your dorm? Or aren't you…" He let the question trail off.  It occurred to him that he had no idea if she was still in school.

"No more dorms.  My mom's paying rent for me because I insisted on staying here in Chicago.  I have an apartment by Water Tower Place."

He lifted an eyebrow.  "Nice."

"Yeah, it is.  I feel like a fish out of water, everyone's pretty ritzy over there."

There was a change in her, he noted.  He heard it in the way she spoke, not as outgoing, not as lively as she once had been.  He could tell by having a few words with her that part of her fire was gone.  Paul Sebricki had taken more than time and health from the both of them.  

"Here you go, dolly. Three dollars, even."

"Thanks, Al," Lucy said, taking her coffee and reaching into her purse.

"Hey, why don't you put that on my tab?" Carter said quickly.

"Oh, no," Lucy said. "That's okay."

It's just a cup of coffee," he said, quietly.  "Make up for all the times your brought me coffee when you were my student." He added a lightness to his voice.

"Okay," she said after minute.  "Thanks."

He nodded and they stood facing each other for a moment.  Then they spoke at the same time and laughed.

Sobering, Carter decided to take a chance.  "If your not, that is, if your not busy, maybe you'd like to join me…" he kept his voice casual, maybe too casual.

Lucy felt the familiar panic that she often felt when faced with a choice.  It was hard to make decisions because in the back of her mind, each decision she made could possibly turn out like the decision to go back into the room to check on Paul Sebricki before talking to Carter.  That decision had nearly cost her her own life.  But she took a deep breath and began to pull herself together.  She wasn't at the hospital, she was standing in Albert's Diner and she was about to join Carter for coffee the way she'd done countless times when she'd been a med student. "Okay. Yeah, I can do that."

Carter nodded. 

From behind the counter, Al watched the two people slide into the booth and start talking.  He wondered what the story was between them.  They both seemed… distant.  Distant from each other and distant from… just life in general, Al supposed.  Perhaps they'd had a bad break up?  But they seemed to care for each other as friends rather than lovers or ex-lovers.

"What's going on over there?" a young waitress, Rose, asked and sat down next to Elsie, the waitress who had served Carter.  

"The pretty girl's gotta boyfriend?" Elsie asked, using the name they'd given Lucy a few weeks ago when she'd started coming in every day for coffee.  

"I don't think so," Al muttered.

"He's cute," Rose mused.  "I still wonder what her story is."

"You say that every time she comes in here, get over it," Elsie scolded.  

"Yeah because she's so quiet, she always sits alone in some booth and reads a book or just stares into space."

"She's been hurt, you can tell.  And not just emotionally."  Elsie's voice took on a dull tone. 

"You mean … physically? How can you tell?" Rose asked in a small voice.

"Her eyes," Elsie said heavily.  "You can always tell from the eyes."

Neither Carter nor Lucy knew how they got onto the subject of the attack and everything that had followed, but they were talking about it.  As painful as it was for the both of them, they slowly, delicately spoke about the tragedy that had been theirs.

"So when I left … for rehab, uh, you had just-"

"Yeah," Lucy said quickly.  "It went well, the surgery … and I got officially discharged about three and a half weeks later."

"Wow, so you've only been home about two months now?"

"Yeah.  Well, my new home, anyway.  My mom moved her practice here-"

"Yeah, she told me."

"Oh. That's right, she told me that you two met.  Anyway, when I got out of the hospital, she said she had a surprise for me.  It turned out to be my apartment.  We both live there now and I'm going to start persuading her to go back home. I'm just … well, it'll be tough living alone."

"Yeah …I don't know what's better, living with no one to answer to or having someone breathing down your neck 24/7."

Lucy smiled.  "Your Grandmother?"

"Yeah.  She means well, I guess."

"Yes, I'm sure she does," Lucy didn't mention that Carter's grandmother had paid her a visit while she'd been in recovery from one of her surgeries.  They'd had an interesting chat.

Lucy told Carter that she was going to take this semester off to regroup.  In the spring she would start again and finish up her rotations.  He said that it sounded like a good idea.  They sat in comfortable silence for a few seconds.  Carter decided it was time to ask her.  

"Will you … clear something up for me?"

She looked interested.  "Sure."

"Last night, I went to an AA meeting-" he broke off when her eyes widened in shock.  "It _was_ you. I thought it was and then the more I thought about it, I thought that I'd been seeing things."

Lucy smiled.  "Why didn't you say anything last night?"

"Well, I came in late and didn't notice you until halfway into the meeting.  Then you got a call and I waited around-uh, I waited around after the meeting but you never came back." He shrugged.

She let out a long breath.  "Oh.  Yeah, that was me.  My mom- it was my mom on the phone."

"So, how long have you … "

"Been clean?  A year and two months."

He nodded and Lucy could tell he was thinking back to that time.  She could remember many awkward things that had happened when she was trying to get off the Ritalin and getting Carter involved was one of them.  

"Now would probably be a good time to apologize for not… well, for not being more supportive during that time," Carter said, avoiding her eyes.

"Oh," she said, suddenly uncomfortable.  "You don't have to-"

"Yeah, I do.  Twelve steps, remember?" he asked lightly.

She smiled.  "Okay, then."

He bowed his head in a thankful gesture.  Then he decided to take the plunge.  "Ahh, while we're on the apology thing, I'd like to come clean all the way."  He paused, wondering how to phrase this, aware that her eyes were on him and she was looking a bit confused.  He took a deep breath and let it slide out slowly. "I also want to apologize for the way … for never …" He broke off and shook his head.  "When you were my student, I was pretty hard on you, and I'm not apologizing for being hard on you, but . . . you  were right when you said most of the reason why I wanted you to succeed was because I wanted to be a good teacher.  And I based my success on yours and threw you into the deep end.  I see now how wrong I was and ultimately I would up putting our lives in danger." He held up a hand when she went to protest. "It's true.  I'm not hiding from the truth anymore.  So I'm sorry about that. Very sorry for what it cost you." He was still avoiding her eyes and Lucy felt the same pain that he did.  She reached over and put her hand on his, squeezed.  Their eyes met and held.  There was understanding there and forgiveness.  

"I'll forgive you," she said slowly, "if you'll forgive me for being so stubborn and for wanting to succeed on my own."

He nodded slowly.  They both knew that her mistakes were of an entirely different measure than his.  But Carter was grateful she took some of the blame off of him. "Okay, then," he said.  "So, we're cool?" he asked her.

Lucy caught the mirth in his voice, but she also knew that the question went deeper than those three words.  "We're cool," she said lightly and forced herself to look into his eyes.  She wanted to let him know that she understood everything and she forgave him.  

As they sat in another comfortable silence, something occurred to Carter.  "Hey, have you ever sponsored anybody before?"

"Sponsor?  Oh, for AA?  No, I never have," she said, wondering why he was- _uh, oh_.  She caught the sheepish smile on his face and raised an eyebrow. 

"Whaddya say? Will you sponsor me?"

"Me?!" She stared at him in shock.  "No.  It's not a good idea."

"Oh, come on.  You'll understand more than anyone because you've worked in the hospital and you know the pressures-"

"And we are opposite sexes. Isn't it a rule-"

"Rules are made to be broken," he countered.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with my former Resident Advisor?"

"Lucy."

"Carter."

"You're not gonna make me ask a total stranger are you?"

She stared at him.  "Look … I … I'm … I don't think I'm strong enough to be anyone's support.  I can barely keep it together as it is.  Things are really … really rough right now and I just don't think that it's a good …." She broke off and tried to blink away the tears that had sprung to her eyes.

Carter nodded, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. "Then it might just help us both.  I mean, we've both been through the same things.  We can … trade off."

He was looking at her hopefully. How could she say no? His eyes were always her undoing.  "Okay," she finally said.  "I will be your sponsor."

For the first time in days, Carter grinned.

"I'll start by doing this," Lucy said and reached over to crush out his cigarette.

"Hey, what did ya do that for?"

She gave him a scolding look.  "Do I have to give you statistics here, or can I just say that they're bad for your health and a really stupid thing, especially for a doctor, to do?"

"Wow," he breathed. "You're tough."

"You have no idea." Lucy took the last sip of her iced coffee.  "Are there menus around here? I just realized I'm starving."

Carter handed her one of the small menus that were leaning against the napkin holder.  He opened one for himself.  "What's good?"

"Oh, I never really get food.  But one time I saw this guy order an Al Burger.  It was massive and it looked sooo good."

"I think," he said, gesturing for Al himself, "that sounds really good. Two Al Burgers, please."

"Coming right up," Al said, noting that these two seemed much more relaxed and much more happy than they had been before.  "Anything else?"

Lucy spoke before Carter could.  "Two chocolate shakes." She threw Carter a daring look with her blue eyes.

Carter lifted an eyebrow at her in approval. "Sounds good to me."

They ate burgers and fries for the next hour and sat talking in the booth an hour after that.  The time seemed to fly and before they knew it, Lucy gasped after glancing at her watch.  "It's almost two thirty in the morning."

Carter stared at her.  He couldn't remember the last time he'd lost track of time like that.  After a small debate when Lucy insisted they split the bill, Carter got his way and paid the check. They both stepped out into the cool night air and walked lazily towards Carter's jeep.  Lucy leaned her head back and breathed deeply.  "I love the smell of summer. I almost missed it, you know. I think I was subconsciously waiting until summer came around to get better."

Carter smiled at that.  "Hop in," he told her.

"Thanks for the ride," she said, sliding into the little Jeep Wrangler.  "Do you ever put the top down?"

"Huh? Oh, I haven't in a while, no." He gunned the ignition.

"Can we?" she asked.

Carter started to tell her that it was pretty complicated getting it down and up again, but stopped when his eyes met hers.  In the dark, her eyes were deep, deep blue and he could see the familiar sparkle he hadn't seen much of over the last few hours.  "Sure we can."

After fifteen minutes of both of them unzipping the windows and Carter pulling down the top, they were soon flying down the wide open Michigan Ave, whizzing past Grant Park and huge sky-scrapers, the summer wind blowing against their faces.  

Carter turned to look at Lucy.  "This is nice."

She closed her eyes and laid her head back against the seat, loving the Chicago summer wind in her face.  She began to feel why she'd been so sure about staying in Chicago and not returning to Boston.

"Mm-hmm …" 

Carter pulled up alongside the row of cars that was parked on the street in front of Lucy's building.  "Thanks," she said and picked up her purse from the bottom of the car.  "I mean it, thanks for everything, John."    

Carter nodded.  "I'll give you a call later on this week."

Lucy nodded and opened the door. "Okay," she turned to him and smiled.  "Good night."

Carter watched her slide between the parked cars and walk up to her building.  "Lucy," he called out.  She turned just before pushing her way into the turning doors.  

"Thanks," he said.  Smiling softly, she turned into the door and disappeared.  

Carter he leaned back against his seat and sighed.  The evening had started with him admitting to himself that he had no one to turn to.  And as he shifted the car into drive and sped away down the deserted downtown street, the evening ended with Carter realizing that you could find comfort and relief where you least expect it.

To Be Continued . . . 

Other fanfic by Casca at:

Between the Lines - A Fanfic Archive

Feedback is welcome!

Casccara@yahoo.com


	4. Scars and Stars

Title:  Scars and Stars

Author:  Casca Casccara@yahoo.com

Spoilers:  Season 5 & 6 Spoilers

Archive:  Yes, but not without permission from moi! J

Feedback:  Yes, please! J

Disclaimer        

            Lucy Knight stepped out of the shower and wrapped a bright yellow towel firmly around her body, tucking the corner snuggly between her breasts.  She pressed her palm to the half length mirror over the white marble sink and wiped circles into the film of steam that covered the mirror.  Her reflection came into view.  Keeping her will power as her top priority, Lucy stared at her face and pulled on a fuzzy pink headband to keep her hair back while she washed her face.  With all the internal strength she could muster, Lucy ignored the pull on her eyes, and began scrubbing at her face with foamy white facial wash.  She kept her view level, not looking down for a moment.  

            Every day for a little over two months, Lucy would get out of the shower and do "the ritual."  "The ritual" began with stepping out of the shower naked and making a (what she fooled herself into think was accidental) turn towards the full length mirror next to the shower.  There she would stop and examine the two and half inch scar on her lower abdomen, the three and a half inch scar on the side of her neck and last but not least, the ten inch scar running diagonally down her body from neck to navel.  That particular step in the ritual took the longest.  Sometimes Lucy lost track of time standing there in front of that mirror until her mother would yell and ask if she was okay.  After a few weeks of that, Lucy had started placing a towel over the shower door so that she could cover herself before stepping out of the shower and the "ritual" could end.

            But Lucy Knight soon discovered that she could not cover up her scars with a towel.  And today, just as the last few weeks she inched the towel down and stared at her body with excruciating intensity.  She'd purposely waited until her mother was at work before she took her shower this morning because she wanted to be able to snap out of it herself.  Perhaps she would … She lightly traced her finger down the diagonal red scar until it reached the tuck of the towel against her breasts.  She had just tugged the piece out and let the towel fall to the floor when she heard a sudden banging.

            She cried out and bent down to retrieve the towel, wrapping herself tightly with shaking hands.  Her mind clicked to a dark room filled with blood and medical instruments and the pounding strains of a terrifyingly familiar song.  Breathing heavily, Lucy clicked the bathroom door open a centimeter. "Mom?" she called in a tiny, shaking voice.

            She jumped when the banging started again, but then realized it wasn't banging, it was a knocking.  Someone was at her front door.  This time the sound was accompanied by a male voice.  "Lucy?  Are you okay?"

Her eyes narrowed in thought at the muffled voice.  Who was at her front door? The insane part of her mind screamed _"PAUL SEBRICKI, PAUL SEBRICKI, PAUL SEBRICKI, PAUL SEBRICKI!!!"_  But something inside her took over and called out.  "Who is it?" in a strong, loud voice.  She waited for the response.

"It's me.  John Carter.  Are you okay in there?"

Lucy let out a strangled laugh.  She clutched her hand to her heart, leaned against the tiled bathroom wall and started to laugh, a loud, shrill sound.  Her body was shaking down to the bone.  Carter.  It was just Carter.  Two things crossed her brain at the same time: one, she was cutting off circulation in her body by holding the towel so tightly around her, and two, that she had never told Carter what her apartment number was.  She heard him call out again, and this time his voice wasn't muffled.  She could mentally picture him stepping cautiously into her apartment.  

That was exactly what John Carter was doing.  He had become slightly worried when Lucy hadn't responded.  He'd seen her mother on his way into the building and Barbara Knight had told him that Lucy was at home and to go on up.  She had also told him which apartment number, saving him from asking the doorman.  "Lucy?" he called again, taking another step into her apartment and shutting the door behind him.

Lucy was still in the bathroom, staring in horror at herself in the mirror, now for a completely different reason.  Her blonde hair was wet and in tangles, her face was still lathered with soap and her body was covered with scars and a towel.  Not exactly the way to greet a guest.

"I'm getting dressed," she called.  "I'll be right out, make yourself at-"  She cut herself off by splashing her face with cold water and wiping it on a towel, yanking open the door that adjoined to her bedroom and quickly shutting and locking her bedroom door while she dressed.  

"Take your time," Carter called out and for the first time glanced around at her huge apartment.  It was bright and airy just like Lucy herself.  The couch and love seat were in soft colors of yellows, accented with cushy lavender pillows.  The rug below his feet was a shaggy pale taupe and was littered with a few magazines and books.  The coffee and end tables were made of classic pine wood and were covered with cute glass lamps, a vase fully of daisies, and more books, mostly romance novels.  Bright streaks of sunlight streamed through rectangular windows covered in sunny yellow blinds.  

Carter didn't know why he'd just picked up this morning and driven to her apartment.  They had agreed the other night that Lucy was to be Carter's AA sponsor, but they hadn't really discussed how they would go about everything.  They weren't seeing each other on a day to day basis because Lucy wasn't working at the hospital until the Spring semester.  He was so unsure about the whole thing now that he'd had time to reflect on it.

To distract himself, Carter picked up a colorful novel and studied with some amusement the alluring couple on the front cover who were locked in a heated embrace amidst a flowing waterfall.

"Hey."

Carter turned and saw Lucy strolling into the living room, a bit breathless.  "Hi," he said and couldn't help staring at her for a minute, the raunchy picture in his hands forgotten.  She looked so pretty with her wet hair pulled back, cheeks flushed, clad in a simple pink shirt and white shorts.  He jolted out of his daze and put down the book.  

"Sorry, I took so long," she started saying, but Carter cut her off.  

"Hey, don't worry, I probably should have called first.  Is this a bad time?"

"Not anymore," she said with a smirk.  "What do ya think of the place?"

Carter stepped further into the room and looked around with a nod.  "It's great.  Really great."

"You're so eloquent, Carter.  Come on," he followed her behind a low brick wall into the spacious kitchen and leaned against a small island in the middle of the room.  There were even traces of Lucy in the kitchen.  In the midst of all the shiny, top-of-the-line appliances and luxurious white washed oak cabinets and sea green countertops, he saw colorful magnets and bottles of mineral water, flower pots filled with flowers in the colors of summer and other subtlies that made this her home.  Carter watched as she filled two glasses with lemonade and handed him one. "Here you go."

"Thanks," he said and slid onto a stool.  "Did you decorate yourself?"

"Yup.  Well, my mom got all the basic stuff and I started going shop crazy on the internet.  I picked out the couches," she said proudly, leaning over to give them an appreciative look.

Carter laughed.  "You did a good job."

"Thanks.  My mom will be paying the credit card bills till the end of time, but what the heck, her daughter's happy."

"Here, here." Carter raised his glass in a salute.  He took a sip and put his glass down. "I know when we talked on the phone the other day, we said that we would set something up, but I just thought I'd take a chance and-"

"Carter, it's fine.  So how are you doing?"

He nodded.  "Taking it one day at a time."

Lucy inclined her head.  "That's all you can do. Right?"

"Right, indeed. I start at the hospital tomorrow."

"And?" she prompted.  

"And … I think I'm ready."  
            "Liar."

Carter nearly choked on his lemonade at her casual accusation.  When she lifted a brow, he gazed at her in thought.  "Okay," he said slowly.  "I hate the fact that I'm going to be basically at the same level as a med student-" he cut off and sent her a smile.  "Sorry."

"No problem," she grinned.  "You hate it, but you have to deal with it.  And you will.   Are you worried about all the questions from everybody?"

"Well, the ER is not exactly gossip-free."  
            "I think this goes a little beyond gossip.  More like concern."

Carter shook his head, wondering how to say what he really felt.  How he'd been trying to prove something for five years to these people.  The fact was that Carter was wealthy enough to live without ever working a day in his life, but he still chose a prestigious and well-paid profession.  All he'd ever wanted to do was help people, he'd never thought that the job would hold such politics.  His strive to be as good and respected as Dr. Benton or Dr. Greene had left a hole in his heart the last few years when he'd taken on Lucy as a med student and tried to push her to be her best.  The truth was that he'd wanted her to succeed for his own selfish reasons.  Keri had once said, a student is usually the mark of a good teacher.  And how crushing it had been when he'd found out that his student wasn't perfect, that he wasn't perfect.  

Lucy watched him thoughtfully.  How the tables had turned.  Over a year ago, she'd been his student and wanting him to help her get through her addiction to Ritalin.  Now, here they were, in totally different roles.  Carter was an addict and Lucy was his support, having spent over a year clean of Ritalin.  The attack had had so many affects on their lives, physical scars were only a small part of it.  

And now she watched Carter struggle with whatever was bothering him.  She felt her heart break a little.  Why did it have to be so hard?  

Carter drained the rest of his lemonade and slid back on his stool.  "Do you want to go for a walk or something?"

"Sure," Lucy said, watching him closely.  He suddenly reminded her of a caged tiger, one who had to get out and quick.  "Just let me go put some shoes on."

Carter's eyes slid closed.  What the hell was he doing?  It wasn't right to drag Lucy into his problems, she had her own things to deal with.  The shame of it all overwhelmed him and suddenly he didn't want to talk about it, deal with it, or even think about it.  He needed to escape.

"Ready?" 

Lucy's voice interrupted his thoughts and he dragged a hand through his hair, avoiding her eyes.  "Uh, look, I'm just going to go home, I think."

Lucy watched him closely.  "Really?"

"Yeah, I'm just- I've got a few things I want to do at home and-"  It was a lie, and they both knew it.

She nodded.  "Okay."

"Okay." Then he sighed.  "That's not true." he shook his head and forced himself to look her in the eye.  What he saw there was concern and patience.  "I can't talk about all this right now, I don't even know why I came here."  

There was an awkward silence.  

 "Do you wanna see a movie?" Lucy asked suddenly.

He looked taken aback.  "Huh?" 

"I feel like seeing a movie," she said, and grabbed a newspaper that was lying on the countertop.  She started to flip through and glanced up at him.  "Whaddya say?"

Carter stood in the middle of Lucy's kitchen and stared at her.  In the midst of AA meetings, group therapy, dealing with returning to work, and having his Gamma breathing down his neck, the last thing on his mind would be doing something for entertainment.  But as he watched Lucy flip through the paper and start to read the movie section, his mind flickered to sitting in a dark theater with a huge bucket of popcorn, with nothing on his mind except the movie stars on a big screen.  And suddenly, Carter really, really wanted to go the movies.

"Okay," he said and slid onto the stool again.  "What's playing?"

After a long, long debate on which movie to see (basically, Lucy suggested; Carter shot down) and a fight over whether to walk or drive, (Lucy wanted to walk and got her way) the two of them snuggled into seats in the middle of a movie theater with a big bucket of popcorn (Carter wanted his own, Lucy insisted they share) and sat for two hours with nothing on their minds except the big stars on the silver screen in front of them.

To Be Continued . . . 

Other fanfic by Casca at:

Between the Lines - A Fanfic Archive

Feedback is welcome!

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	5. And the Rain Pours Down part 1

Author: Casca  

Title:  And the Rain Pours Down

Classification: Carter/Lucy friendship/angst

Spoilers: Be Still My Heart/All in the Family/

Feedback: Yes, please!! Casccara@yahoo.com

Archive:  Not without permission from moi! J

Time Frame:   A rewrite of The Greatest of Gifts, however the time frame is NOT at Christmas time, it's around September, a month after Carter returns from rehab.  I strongly suggest you read the first few parts of my series, located at my fanfic archive Between the Lines.

_He saw them sitting on the cabinet, amidst all the other bottles and supplies.  The name stood out, the words, the letters, "Vicaden."  There they were, sitting right in front of him, right in his view, right in his reach.  All he had to do was open the bottle and put two in his mouth.  They were right there, so he did it.  With people screaming his name for help, questions being thrown at him, Carter grabbed the bottle and shoved two pills in his mouth, swallowing quickly._

Chapter One 

            _"Boarding Flight 347 to Boston, rows thirty-two through one."_

            "That's me," Barbara Knight said, standing up and sliding her purse over her shoulder.  

            Lucy stood and handed her mother the plane ticket.  "Here you go."

            The two women stood staring at each other, their identical blues eyes welling with tears.

            "This is it," Barbara said, pulling her daughter close to her.

            "It's not "it" Mom, I'll see you soon."

            "Of course you will.  Thanksgiving will be here before we know it," Barbara said on a sob.

             "No, it won't," Lucy choked, torn between laughter and tears.  "It's four months away."

            "It'll go by quickly.  Honey, if you're not sure-"

            "Mom, this is hardly the time for me to change my mind."

            "If you did, I'd stay in a heartbeat."

            "No.  Come on, we both need to get back to our lives.  You've left your practice long enough.  I'm going to get a little part time job until I go back to school."

            "I wish you'd come home with me."

            "I want to stay here, Mom.  It's my home."  
            "Home is where family is."

            Lucy hugged her mother tightly.  "Not always."

            "There is nothing for you here.  Not until you go back to school."

            "I'm not going into this again.  You gotta go, Mom."

            "I'm sorry.  I love you, angel.  I'll call you when I get home."

            "Okay."  She watched her mom walk through the door that lead to the plane.

            Lucy sighed.  As she walked through O'Hare airport, she allowed herself a few tears.  It wasn't everyday you parted from your mother for a few months at a time.  How could she explain to her mother that she felt as though she were meant to be in Chicago?  That from the minute she'd gotten here a few years ago, Lucy had called this city home?  Lucy couldn't even explain it to herself.  It was odd how she felt completely at home here after everything that had happened.  One would think Chicago was the last place she would want to stay after the attack.  

            Lucy slid into the cab, wincing slightly at the brief, sharp pains she still suffered from her injuries.  She hardly ever had pain anymore, just those quick little reminders that she'd been a victim and that she still wasn't normal.  Sometimes it seemed to her that just when she was beginning to forget about what had happened, something or someone out there had to make sure she didn't forget.  These were her dismal thoughts during the thirty minute cab ride into downtown.  

            After paying an obscene amount of money to the cab driver, Lucy swore that she would walk or take a bus anywhere she needed to go from now on.  After all, she couldn't have a free ride from her mother forever.  She needed to take some responsibility for herself now.  Although she wasn't quite ready to return to the hospital yet, (and secretly feared she never would be) Lucy decided that she couldn't possibly sit around the house all day doing nothing except reflect on the attack.  She needed to get a part time job somewhere for the months that she would be taking off school.  

            Standing outside her building on Michigan ave, Lucy watched the busy traffic go by as she thought to herself.  She glanced up at the tall building where she lived then across the street at the tall building that was one of the best malls in Chicago.  The prospect of shopping at Water Tower Place verses the prospect of going upstairs and watching too many reruns on TV won out.  Changing her pace, she ran across the street and into the swinging glass doors of the seven floor mall.   The minute she stepped inside and looked up at the seven floors of her favorite stores, she knew why she liked to call Chicago home.  

She started in Marshall Fields, her new home away from home.  And two hours later she was back in Fields, struggling with packages after conquering the entire mall.  She was thoroughly discussing skin therapy and eye shadow colors with the makeup artist at the MAC counter.  "I'll take all of that, then," Lucy said, feeling only slightly guilty as she handed the girl her credit card.  After all, she would be getting a job soon and would be able to pay the bill instead of sending it to her mother like Barbara had insisted she do.  

"Okay, we're out of the Electra eye shadow and the Very Pink lip gloss.  Did you want me to call Oak Street and see if they have them?"

"Uh, sure," Lucy said, thinking if she had enough time to grab a bus over to Oak St.  Then she smiled ironically.  Of course she had time, it wasn't as if she had plans or anything.  Then she caught herself.  Actually, yes, she did have plans tonight.  She and Carter were attending an AA meeting together after he got off work at ten pm.  It wasn't exactly the kind of plans a girl brags about, but at least they were hers.    

"They're on hold for you at Oak Street," the girl said as Lucy signed her name to the receipt.

"Thank you," Lucy said and added the small bag of cosmetics to her other packages.  

An hour later, Lucy was seated in the MAC store on the elusive Oak Street filling out an application for a job.  She'd been talked into getting a full makeover by one of the artists who claimed her eyes were "screaming to be made up," and before she knew it, she was best friends with the manager who happened to be about Lucy's own age.  

"So this is just a formality really," the woman said, snapping her gum.  "I'll give you a call tomorrow to let you know when you start."

"Gosh, I can't thank you enough, Vanessa," Lucy said, handing her the application.  "And you understand that when school comes around again-"

"Honey, I told you don't worry about it!  We'll deal with that when the time comes."

"Well, thanks again. Bye," Lucy said, as she walked out of the store, her eyes dark and dramatic, her lips vivid and gleaming.  Since she had dropped all her packages off at home after leaving Water Tower Place, she decided to walk home instead of taking the bus.  The city was busy and rushing at five o'clock in the afternoon and she felt like walking with the rest of them.

The thunder and lightning started after about four blocks.  Lucy had just looked up at the graying sky when she felt a huge drop of rain splatter on her cheek.  She wiped it off and found her fingers wet and stained with face makeup.  "Oh, no," she groaned.  No wonder her scars had been hurting her today; rainy weather usually made them twinge.  More drops fell and before the city knew it, rain began pouring down.  They're was a rush of opening umbrella's (of which Lucy didn't have) and people running for cabs (with whom Lucy joined).

            "Please!!" she yelled at the cabby who stopped four feet ahead of her and a business man with an umbrella got in it.  "That was mine!" she yelled at him, her hair now plastered to her head, her clothing soaked through.  After running for blocks trying to get a cab, Lucy realized she was only a block and a half away from home so she made her way there, walking slowly now in the heavy rain.

            She walked into the lobby of her ritzy building and ignored the disgusted looks from the all ritzy people at her drenched appearance.  "Five," she muttered to elevator man without looking at him.  

            She walked into her apartment, slammed the door and dropped her keys, purse and bags on the floor.  Well, today had been wonderful.  She'd seen her mom off at the airport, tried to cheer herself up by shopping, and wound up right where she'd been when she'd walked out of the airport: wondering why she'd stayed in Chicago alone, without anyone in the world.  She stared at her face in the mirror. The cheaks that had been radient a while ago, were smeared two inches thick with running black mascara.  

            A little while later, Lucy settled down enough to clean her face and changed her wet clothes.  The downpour had gotten worse and was now coming down in sheets.  She'd always loved curling up with a good book or snuggling under the covers while the rain poured down outside.  Today she wasn't much in the mood for the gray weather because her mood was even more gray than the sky outside.

            As if her dreary mood wasn't enough, she had to attend AA tonight.  Dozens of excuses poured through her mind, things that she could tell Carter to get out of going.  But the guilt overwhelmed her when she thought of how tentatively he'd asked her to go.  

            She and Carter had established a comfortable friendship over the last few weeks.  She saw him about every other day even if it was just for an hour or so to attend a meeting.  It had actually helped her being his sponsor for AA.  It gave her something to focus on and devote herself to.  And because she enjoyed Carter's company sometimes it wasn't like a job.  More like . . . a friendship.  Lucy was happy to admit that she and Carter were good friends now, something she had always deemed an impossible feat and she knew Carter had felt the same.  But that was before . . . before either of them had ever heard the name Paul Sebricki.  

            Funny how things change, she mused and opened the fridge to see what there was to eat.  She stopped short when she heard the pounding at the door.  Shaking her head, she slammed the refridgerator door and sighed angrily at her stupidity.  It wasn't pounding, it was knocking.  Sudden noises always sounded so much louder than they actually were.

            But who in the world could it be, and in the pouring rain?  The only visitor she ever got was Carter and he was at work.  She rung her hands through her damp hair and took a step into the living room, wondering when she was ever going to stop picturing Paul Sebricki's face when soemone knocked at the door.  "Who is it?" she called out.

            "It's me.  It's John," came an irritated voice.

            "Carter?" she asked increduously.  She went over to open the door.  "What are you doing here, aren't you supposed to be- Oh, God get in here."  When Lucy saw him standing at the door with a big frown on his face, his entire body dripping wet, she grabbed his arm and dragged him inside.  

"Take off that wet jacket," she scolded, running into the bathroom and grabbing a towel.  When she returned and saw that he hadn't moved, even to take off his jacket she marched over to him.  "What the matter, will you get out of that jacket?  Don't worry about getting water all over, here-" she started to help him out of his jacket when he spoke.

"I took two Vicaden."

Lucy's eyes snapped to his.  His brown eyes looked shocked, tortured and horror-struck.  "What?"

"I took two Vicaden."  

Her own eyes went from shocked to tortured to horror-struck.  

"What am I gonna do?" he asked, imploring her.  "What the hell am I gonna do?"

Her mind reeled.  "First, tell me what happened.  Where did you get them?"

He laughed, a horrible sound.  "The hospital, where else?  A patient had a whole prescription.  I-I-I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't even think about it, it's not like I even had a craving, I just saw them and took them."

"What did you do?  Did you tell Weaver?"

"No. God, no I can't, I'll lose my license."  

The fear in his eyes told Lucy she had to be the calm one."Wait.  Just wait a second.  Take off that jacket and sit down here."

He yanked off his jacket and gave it to her.  She threw it out in the hall to dry off and went over to join him on the sofa.  

 "I knew I couldn't do it.  I knew I would screw up eventually. God." Carter dragged his hands through his wet hair and gripped.  

"Take it easy.  Start from the beginning."

He told her the whole grisly tale.  "The minute I swallowed them, I regretted it.  I ran to the bathroom and forced myself to throw them up. Then I told Dr.Greene I was sick and had to leave.  Fortunatly he didn't give me too much of a hard time."

"You threw them up?"

Carter reached into his shirt pocket and took them out to show her.  "I didn't know what to do with them, I 

just . . ." he drifted off and stared at the pills.  

Lucy spoke. "Flush them."  

He looked at her.  

"Come on," she said standing up.  "Let's go."

He followed her into the bathroom and they both stood on either side of the toilet.  "Go ahead," she told him, half supportively, half sternly.

He tossed them in and flushed.  Then he looked at her, his eyes still worried.  "There.  Now what?"

 "Now we go to a meeting."

He nodded slowly, keeping eye contact with her.  "Do I have to tell Weaver?"

She sighed and walked passed him out of the bathroom.  "I don't know.  I have to think about this."

"Does it count if I threw them up?" he asked, pacing her living room.

"I don't know.  I'm out of my league here, Carter. We have to go to a meeting.  There's one in Oak Park every hour on the hour, that's our safest bet.  Let's go."

"Lucy," he took her arm to stop her.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said nodding. "Come on."

Lucy linked her fingers with his and they walked to the elevator and stepped inside.

Other fanfic by Casca at:

Between the Lines - A Fanfic Archive

http://agentsndoctor.50megs.com

Feedback is welcome!

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	6. And the Rain Pours Down part 2

Author: Casca  

Title:  And the Rain Pours Down -Part 2

Classification: Carter/Lucy friendship/angst

Spoilers: season six and seven

Feedback: Yes, please!! Casccara@yahoo.com

Archive:  Not without permission from moi! J

Disclaimer: They're not mine, I don't own anything and I don't make money from this. (Although I should)

Time Frame:   A rewrite of The Greatest of Gifts, however the time frame is NOT at Christmas time, it's around September, a month after Carter returns from rehab.  I strongly suggest you read the first few parts of my series located at my fanfic archive Between the Lines.

Chapter Two

" . . . And always remember that we're here to share.  Go in peace and sobriety."

"Peace and sobriety," the regulars repeated and everyone got up from their respective seats and began milling around.  

Lucy and Carter walked in silence out of the room, and down the steps of the recreation hall.  The night air was cool, but dry as the rain had let up since they'd arrived.  "Want me to drive again?" she asked him.

"Naw," Carter slid behind the wheel and took the keys from her.  There was a thin sheet of weariness floating over their heads and a fatigue that they both understood.  The meeting hadn't cheered or encouraged them, it had made things all too crystal clear. "Want to get something to eat? I'm starving."

Lucy nodded, remembering how her stomach had been growling during the meeting.  "Yeah, me too.  Let's get it to go," she said, rubbing her eyes.  "We can eat by me."

A little while later they were seated around Lucy's kitchen table eating Chinese takeout in silence.  It wasn't until they were on their last few bites that Carter spoke.  "I have to tell Weaver."

Lucy put down her fork and sighed.  "Yeah. You do."

"Dammit."

"Look, it's not going to be that bad- At least I don't think it will be."  Then she sighed  "I don't know.  I really don't know how it's going to be.  But you have to tell her.  Everything about that meeting said you should."

"I know. I know, I know.  I just wish . . . I wish I'd never even laid eyes on that bottle."

"Look at it this way," she said, taking their plates to the sink.  "You said that you didn't crave it, you just took them because the opportunity was there.  So that proves that it's all in your mind and not in your body.  So now that you're aware of that . . . your mind can be on alert."

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess that does make sense."

"Some things I say do," she joked.

 Carter smiled for the first time in the last few hours.  "Yeah, you're getting wise in your old age."

The grinned at each other.  

"So where's your mom, working late?" Carter asked, cracking open a fortune cookie and frowning at the words on the little piece of paper.

"No.  She left."

"Left? Where?"  He quickly hid the fortune from her view.

"Back to Boston."

Carter turned in his seat to look at her.  "Back to Boston?  Why didn't you tell me?"

She waved her hand.  "I guess I forgot with everything going on.  She left this morning."

"Yeah?" he asked.  

"Yeah." They were interrupted by a phone ringing.  Lucy made a move to get her cell phone, but Carter had reached into his pocket and pulled his out.

"It's mine," he said.  "Hello?  Dad!"

Lucy glanced back at him with a surprised look on her face.  She'd never heard him speak about either of his parents.  

"Yeah, I'm . . . well, I'm at a friend's house.  Dad, how did you get this number?  You called the house?  Oh.  Well, I don't know what she's worried about, because I'm- she said that?"  Carter yanked a hand through his hair.  "I don't understand why she would say that because-" he abruptly glanced at Lucy as if Mr. Carter had asked about her. "A friend, Dad, just a friend, what exactly did Gamma-"

Lucy started to walk out of the room to give him privacy, but stopped when Carter stood up and took her arm.  He held up his hand as if to tell her he'd be done in one minute.  Lucy stood awkwardly next to him while he finished his conversation. 

"Look, Dad, I'm not going to talk about this right now.  No, it's not a good time, I'll call you when . . . well, where will you be?  Barcelona? How long . . . Okay.  Fine, call me when you know where you'll be," he almost snapped and clicked off the phone.  "Sorry, Luce."

"Don't worry about it."

"I should go," he said.  "Thanks for everything."

"Thanks for dinner," she said as they walked into the living room.

He shook his head as he shrugged into his now dry jacket.  "It was the least I could do." 

"Be careful on the road, the storm is raging again-"

And on a huge crash of thunder, they were enclosed in darkness.  

Lucy couldn't see a thing.  That familiar, sudden fear that had dulled with time since the stabbing was now back with full force.  "Carter," she said urgently, reaching out and gripping his arms.

"I'm right here. It's the storm; it must have cause a power outage. You okay?"

"Don't leave," she said, holding onto his arms tightly.  

"I'm right here," he said again. "Where do you keep a flashlight?"

"In the kitchen closet," she said, trying to keep her panic under control, but the noise in her head was her own voice screaming as she relived the darkness of the stabbing.  

"I'm right behind you," Lucy felt him reach for her hand and she held on tight as if for dear life.

Carter closed his eyes to try to keep himself in line.  He had to be the strong one here.  He had to be the sane one because this time around he knew that Lucy couldn't be.  Her entire body was shaking; he felt it, as they squeezed they're way through the kitchen door together. He pushed his own fears, his own panic, aside and focused on being strong for the both of them.

They clumsily made their way to the kitchen closet and found the flashlight.  Lucy had just flicked it on, when every single light in the apartment lit up.  

"Oh!" she sighed, weak with relief.  "They're on."

"Yeah," he said, looking at her.  He saw that the relief in her eyes covered up unshed tears.  "Are you okay?" he asked gently, rubbing her forearms.

"Yeah, yeah," she said, brushing at her cheeks when the tears spilled over.  "I'm fine.  This is so stupid . . . It's just . . . the dark.  I hate the dark."

"Me, too."

"Yeah," she took a deep breath and started to tell him that he could go now, that she was okay, but something stopped her.  "Do you think . . . do you think it'll go out again?"

He looked at the fear in her eyes and knew they were thinking that same thing: if the storm kept up like it was, the odds were that the power would probably go out during the night.  "Probably.  If this storm keeps up the way it is."

She nodded, thinking that she would probably lose her mind if it went out again.  "Well, I'll deal with it if it happens.  You can go ahead and go."

Carter looked at her closely. 

Lucy tried to seem nonchalant.  "I'm fine, Carter.  Don't worry about me."

He wondered if she knew how transparent she was.  "Luce, I have nothing against sleeping on your couch tonight."

"No," she said firmly and repeated it.  "I can deal with it myself, if the power goes off.  I have to deal with it myself."

"Why?"

She looked taken aback.  "Because, that's why.  Because I cannot be, no I _refuse _to be, a victim forever. I don't need help anymore, I don't need anyone to "protect" me, I can protect myself.  I have to start being my own person or else I'm just going to get lost in this pity everyone seems to want to throw at me.  I don't need my mom protecting me, I don't need you protecting me, or anyone else for that matter.  I can find my way in the darkness if the power goes out, I can live in this city alone, without anyone if it comes to that.  I can."  Lucy said all this very fast and getting louder and stronger as she went.

            Carter raised his eyebrows and shook his head.  "I really don't feel like driving home in this.  Come on, Lucy."

            Her eyes were dry now, and very stubborn.  Carter watched with amusement as she stuck her chin out and braced her body for defense.  "You're just saying that!  You think I'm stupid, Carter?"

            "No, I don't think you're stupid.  Fine, I'll go, I was just thinking about myself, anyhow."

            "Wait a minute."

Carter smiled secretly. 

"You really don't feel like driving in this?"

            "Would you want to drive on the expressway in that?" he pointed to window.

            "Okay," she said and gave him a look.  "As long as it's not for me, because I can handle it myself-"

            "I know, I know. You told me already."

            Carter and Lucy spent a couple hours watching "Yours, Mine and Ours," an old movie with Lucille Ball.  At around eleven, Lucy started yawning.  "I think I'm ready for bed."

            "Party Pooper," he said on a yawn.

            She laughed.  "I know.  Just a couple of wild kids, we are.  I have to take a shower first.  You can grab a pillow and the spare blanket off my bed, okay?"

            "Okay." Carter waited until she'd closed herself in the bathroom before getting up to get the pillow.  When he entered her room which was dimly lit by a small bedside lamp, he found himself face to face with a huge stuffed sheep dog seated on her bed.  Carter grinned and walked over to snatch a pillow from her bed.  That's when he spotted a photo album lying open on the floor.  He picked it up and sat down on the bed to look at the photos.

            But when he sat on the bed, the album was soon forgotten.  Carter gasped as he sank deep into the soft fluffy cushions of the bed.  He sat with a furrowed brow, hitting the fluffy cushions with his hands and making huge dents in the layers of covers.  Experimenting a little, he laid back against the pillows and nearly groaned out loud.  It was the most comfortable, the most feathery, the most cushy bed he'd ever been in contact with.  Tossing the photo album aside, he kicked off his gym shoes, spread his arms out, and laid on his back in sheer contentment.

            A few minutes later Lucy padded into the room, clad in flannel pants and a tee-shirt, drying her hair with a towel.  When she spotted Carter laying flat on his back looking like he'd died and gone to heaven, she grinned.  "What are you doing?" she asked with amusement.

            He opened one eye.  "You're bed is amazing," he allowed himself to mutter.  

            She giggled and jumped on the other side of the bed, bouncing them both.  "Isn't it comfy?" she asked.

            He pointed to the door.  "You're sleeping on the couch."

            She giggled again.  "The comforter was on clearance at Fields for seventy percent off.  The feather cushion on top of the mattress, I've had since grade school. I can't sleep anywhere without it.  I even had it in my dorm last year," she said.  Then she yawned and stretched, laying her head down on one of the pillows and settling herself next to him.  

The window next to the bed was open and the sound of rain beating against the screen and thunder crashing in the sky made them both feel very content to be exactly where they were. 

Lucy turned her head against the pillow to watch Carter.  He was staring at the ceiling, one arm underneath his head, his eyes deep in thought.  

"What are you thinking about?" she asked him.

He was silent for a long time.  "I'm thinking about . . . how unfair it was for my father to accuse me of not putting family first in my life."

"Did he say that?"

Carter nodded and was silent again.  Thunder rolled and crashed against the steady sound of the rain.  "How dare he say I'm the one who has his priorities screwed up? They didn't even come to see me in the hospital. "  

Lucy reached over to squeeze his hand, to comfort.  "You're grandmother came. She's the one who means the world to you, I can tell."

Carter nodded and turned his hand to link his fingers with hers for the second time that evening.  "She does.  You mentioned once that you never knew your father.  Did he call you or see you after the attack?"

Lucy shook her head.  "No.  I asked my mom if he called . . . he didn't."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be.  I don't need him.  I never have."

Carter was beginning to notice a theme for the evening where Lucy was concerned.  Lucy didn't need her father just like she didn't need anyone else.  He wondered if she had any idea how wrong she was.  Even so, he squeezed her hand to comfort her.

"You never saw him?" he asked her.

"Once," she replied, yawning.  "I saw my father once.  I was about thirteen and home sick from school.  He came to talk to my mom about something.  I never even asked her what it was.  Anyway, he came during the day, thinking that I would be in school.  My mother never lied to me, ever.  So when she introduced him, she said, "Lucy, this is your father." And I was very polite almost too polite.  I could sense that he wanted to be anywhere else in the world. And that made me not even care about him.  It didn't even affect me at the time . . ."

"At the time," he repeated and turned his head to look at her.  

She met his gaze.

The lamp flickered dangerously and they both held their breaths until it stopped flickering and remained on.  

"That was close," she laughed nervously, reminding Carter of a little girl.  He glanced over to see her turn her head to snuggle into the pillow.

"I used to actually like it when the lights would go out at home," Lucy muttered, shutting her eyes against the fatigue.  "My Mom and I would camp out in the living room and light a whole bunch of candles.  And she would tell these stupid ghost stories which I knew the endings to so I would spend the whole time laughing at her."  Lucy let out a yawn and snuggled even further into the pillows.

He smiled.  "Once when I was about eleven, my cousin Chase was spending the night and the electricity went out.  We built this huge fort in the den and pretended like it was our spaceship that had lost power and was careening towards Mars.  When we crashed the ship, we flung ourselves all over the room, like idiots.  Chase bumped his head on an end table and we had to take him to the ER."  

Lucy laughed and muttered, "boys."  She she yawned loudly and closed her eyes.

Carter yawned as well, and turned his head to look at her.  Her cheek was pressed against the pillow, her eyes closed, her breathing deep and steady.  She was fast asleep.  Something inside him stirred. He couldn't put his finger on the feeling because he'd never experienced it before.  Perhaps he was learning what it was like to truly care about someone.  Why the uneasiness?  He continued to study her and felt another twinge of something he didn't recognise.  

Oh, well.  

Carter closed his eyes against the tension and was shocked at how easy it was to get rid of the restlessness if he truly wanted to.  He was sick of worrying, sick of telling himself what not to feel.  Sitting up, he grabbed the spare comforter at the foot of the bed and spread the blanket over Lucy.  He allowed himself to smooth away a strand of silky hair that had fallen over her eyes.  

Lucy shifted at the movement and snuggled further into the pillow and blanket.  "Thank you for staying," she mumbled in her sleep.  

 He had to smile.  "No problem," Carter whisperred.  He considered going into the living room and sleeping on the couch, but he truly didn't want to leave the comfort of the bed when he was so tired.  So Carter laid back against the cushy bed and fell asleep while outside, thunder crashed and the merciless rain poured down.

 To Be Continued . . .

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Between the Lines - A Fanfic Archive

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	7. Perfectly Perfect

Title: Perfectly Perfect

Author:  Casca Casccara@yahoo.com

Spoilers:  YES! 5th, 6th, 7th seasons.

Archive:  Not without permission from moi! J

Feedback:  Yes, please! J 

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.

             Lucy looked perfectly normal in her slightly dressy outfit.  Her hair was perfectly strait and groomed, her face was perfectly calm, her scars were perfectly hidden.  She looked perfectly normal to anyone looking at her.  

            However, the people with whom she would share Thanksgiving dinner would not be simply looking at her.  They would be scrutinizing every single detail about her.  They would wonder why she was having dinner with them; she wasn't family after all.  They would wonder if she had designs on the family and if she was good enough to fit into it. 

There was a time when she wouldn't have cared less what anyone thought about her.  There was a time when she would laugh at the thought of anyone accusing her of being a "gold-digger."  But her life had taken a sharp turn just under a year ago and Lucy was no longer the confident young woman she'd been.

So she took the opportunity to sit down on the edge of her bed and contemplate why she'd said yes to Thanksgiving with the Carters.  Her mind clicked back to the conversation she and Carter had the other night, concerning the subject.  They'd been sitting in their favorite hamburger joint, Albert's Diner, nursing Al Burgers after a particular difficult evening involving a grueling AA meeting.  Trying to take their minds off the fact that a fellow AA member had been killed driving under the influence, Carter mentioned that Thanksgiving was coming up.  

"Are you going home?" Carter had asked her, sipping his coffee.  

Lucy had shaken her head.  "I waited too long to get a flight and there is virtually nothing left.  That'll teach me to fly around the holidays." 

"So you don't have any plans?" he'd asked her, shocked.

"Nope.  But don't worry about me, Carter.  I'm perfectly happy watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and eating a turkey sandwich."

"That's pathetic," he'd said.

Lucy had given him a haughty look.  "It happens to be my favorite movie." 

"I meant the turkey sandwich part. You should come over to my house, my grandmother puts together a beautiful dinner."

            "Carter, I don't have a problem with spending Thanksgiving alone.  What's the difference if I pig out by myself or in front of other people?"

            They'd argued and argued, back and forth.  Lucy couldn't remember how he'd convinced her, but somehow he'd had.  And here she was, sitting on her bed, dreading the entire day.  If she hadn't been so week as to let him convince her, Lucy would be facing a day of doing nothing but eating what she chose and watching her favorite movie.

            The phone rang then and she sprang up to get it.  "Hello?" She heard Carter respond on the other end.

            "Carter, I don't think I'm coming.  I don't feel so good and-"

            "Ha, fat chance," was his response. "Everybody thinks you're coming now.  They set an extra place at the table and if my Grandmother hates anything, it's an empty place at the dining room table."

            Lucy sighed.  "I don't want to be the strange person at the table.  Please, can't you just say I got sick or something?"

            "I can't say anything, that's why I'm calling.  I'm still at the hospital.  With the way things are going here, I'm won't be able to pick you up.  I'm sending a car for you, it should be there soon."

            "A car?  What?  Look, don't go to any trouble, I told you I'm perfectly happy-"

            "Too late, it's on its way.  I'll meet you at the house, okay?"

            "Are you sure you're going to be on time?" Lucy asked desperately.  She could imagine one thing worse than Thanksgiving dinner with the Carters, Thanksgiving dinner with the Carters _without John Carter._

            "I'm not going to leave you hanging, Lucy.  I'll be there.  See you soon."  And he hung up.

            Lucy plopped down on her bad again and buried her face in her hands.  This wasn't happening- not to her.  How did she ever let him talk her into it?  She knew how it went when things got backed up at the hospital- he'd probably be there all night.  She had a horrible mental picture of her sitting through an entire dinner with his entire family getting grilled as though she were the one who was to help Carter carry on the family name.  

            She put her head between her knees and took tiny, shallow breaths. Obviously Carter had told them that she was only a friend of his, however, Lucy was a woman and when a man invites a woman over for Thanksgiving Dinner, it is very easy for the family to assume things… things that were absolutely _not_ true.  Lucy was not interested in Carter that aspect.  His friendship meant a great deal to her and she was not about to throw it all away because she had once been attracted to him.

But she would think nothing of torturing him with a rope should he not show up today.

The sound of knocking interrupted her thoughts and Lucy groaned aloud as she got up from her bed, and stumbled into the living room to answer the door.  

"Lucy Knight?"

"Uh-huh," she said, staring at the man in suit and tails with a black old-fashioned type cap.

"I am to take you to Carter Estate.  Are you quite ready, miss?"

Carter Estate?  Whoa.

"Uh, yeah, sure," she said, still staring at the very formal man as she grabbed her coat and purse.  "Lead the way, James," she said using the closest "butler name" she could think of.

"It's Carlson, miss," the divine British accent stated while bowing.

Carlson.  Of course.  "Lead the way, Carlson."

Lucy's mouth dropped open after she pushed through the swinging doors and watched Carlson walk to a sleek limousine that lined the street and open the door for her.  Choking on a laugh, she slid into the plush car and bit her lip on a grin.  

They drove for a good forty minutes before Carson made a turn that had Lucy's mouth dropping open yet again.  The car was driving up a long driveway that lead to immense iron gates and after Carlson punched a number into a keypad at the entrance, the gates opened and the car zoomed through them.  

It was unbelievable—the closest thing she had ever seen to a castle.  It was made of beautiful stone and brick, many walls covered with green ivy; black iron-trimmed arched windows dotted the entire estate and huge maple trees shaded the massive grounds.  In the distance Lucy could make out a court of some kind—perhaps a tennis court and in the opposite direction, the glittering reflection of a pool.  

She knew that Carter was wealthy, knew that his family was a very old and prestigious clan among Chicago Society.  But Lucy had never imagined, never began to _dream _that Carter was a part of something so… untouchable.  Nor had he ever made it clear to her exactly where his family stood. It made her more than a little nervous and left an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach.

It was all Lucy could do not to stare with her mouth hanging open as she stepped from the car feeling like some sort of deceived Cinderella.  And when she stepped inside the immense front hall made entirely of cream marble, her deceiving Prince was there to meet her.

"Hey," Carter grinned, coming down the marble staircase dressed in a very nice sweater and slacks.  "I just got home.  Glad you could make it," he said, the sarcasm in his voice reflecting their previous conversation.  But Lucy was thinking nothing about that now.

"Yes," she said and cleared her throat.  "Glad you warned me."

He gave her an odd look. "Warned you?  What do you mean?"

She gave dry laugh, lifted her hands palm and gestured around the mansion she was standing in.  Carter was still looking confused, so she sighed and leaned in to whisper, "I'm just a little taken aback, that's all.  It's not every day I have my own chauffer." 

He bit his lip and leaned in closer.  "I did say I was sending a car for you."

"Mm-hmm," she said nodding, feeling an odd twitch in her stomach at the tiny distance between them.  "A car."

"Are you… mad, then? Because I'm really hungry, don't know about you."

Lucy brandished him with a look.  "I'm going to kill you when I get the chance."

"After dinner, dear."

Lucy's cheeks flushed and she cursed herself for it.  There was no reason to feel uncomfortable by that, she thought to herself.  It was a _joke_.

Carter lead her to a massive dining room made entirely of carved cherry wood, all accented in the immense golden chandeliers that hung over the table.  The table, Lucy was rather relieved to see, did not have as many place settings as she had pictured.  However, most all of the guests were already seated. 

"Lucy, so nice to see you again."  Millicent Carter, poised and distinguished, extended an opal-adorned hand, which Lucy took.

"Thank you for having me.  Happy Thanksgiving."

"Happy Thanksgiving," the elder woman said stiffly with a small hint of smile.  Lucy got the impression that this was equivalent to a grin.  

As Lucy and Carter sat down, Carter introduced her around to the table of people, which included three aunts, two uncles, and four cousins who looked all looked as Millicent did, poised and perfect. Lucy thought about his parents and sister and wondered briefly how many holidays John spent without their presence.

Lucy was seated next to Carter at the corner of the table and she glanced next to her to the empty chair at the head of the table, wondering if Carter's grandfather would be joining them and why on earth she was seated next to the head of the table, with the lady of the house directly across from her. She'd never met Carter's grandfather, but Carter mentioned him more than a few times.

Lucy idly traced her fingertips over the stem of her crystal goblet and thought of the relief she would feel when this dinner would be over with when the occupant of the head chair walked into the room.  John Carter was as distinguished and poised as the rest of the family, but Lucy immediately felt another aura surrounding the elderly man as he walked with age to table.  There was a waywardly quality about him as he sat down and fixed his napkin.  Carter took the opportunity to introduce them and Lucy grinned a bit when Mr. Carter took her hand in an old fashioned gesture.

The conversation at the dinner table touched on everything impersonal Lucy could think of.  Business and the weather, and business and the "staff" and more business, particularly the Carter family businesses. Lucy didn't find much to add to the conversation so she stayed silent, except for the times Carter spoke to her, to inquire about her day or ask her how her if she spoke to her mother today.  Lucy wanted to answer that she wished she was at her mother's Thanksgiving table with her grandparents and her own aunts and uncles who would be fighting about stupid things like whether the mashed potatoes were better with lumps or without and laughing about everything under the sun.  But she didn't and made conversation with him because she knew he was regretting forcing her to come and he was trying very hard to include her in conversation even if it was only with him.

"So, Lucy, what is it that you do again?"  Jacqueline, a perfectly poised cousin in her early thirties, with luxurious dark hair and a fur trimmed suit smiled with false interest at Lucy and lifted a perfectly shaped dark eyebrow at her.  

Lucy felt her spine stiffen and she forced a smile.  "I'm still in school."

The eyebrow lifted higher.  "What do you study?"

Lucy saw Carter open his mouth to answer for her, but Lucy sat up straighter and cleared her throat.  "I'm in medical school."

"Ah," Jacqueline said very simply.  "So you and John share an interest in medicine." 

"An interest," Lucy said, trying to hide the smile that threatened to spread across her lips. Like an interest in needlepoint?  "I suppose we do," she sent Carter a look underneath her lashes and found that he was almost smirking at her.

Lucy jumped at the sharp bark of laughter that came from Mr. Carter next to her.  "Medicine, an interest? You make it sound like a hobby, Jacqueline.  A hobby didn't take my grandson away from the family business, his career did." He turned to Lucy.  "Would you call medicine an interest, young lady?"

Lucy glanced at Carter who was looking back at her with a smile.  "It's… more like… a way of life," she said carefully.

Mr. Carter inclined his head and took a sip of wine.  "A selfish way of life."

"Grandfather thinks helping people is selfish," Carter explained with a mild smile.

"How is that?" Lucy asked Mr. Carter, for some strange reason, more at ease with the old man than anyone in the room.

"I never said helping people is selfish," Mr. Carter growled at John, taking another tiny sip of wine.  "Being a doctor means focusing your entire life to being a doctor.  It's a selfish person who can put that ahead of everything else."

Lucy tilted her head as the Carter family nodded in agreement and John shook his head on a hopeless smile.  "Yes, I suppose that's true," she said slowly.  "However, is it still selfishness when the career is put before the person's own life?"

"No, that's just stupidity," Mr. Carter said matter-of-factly to Lucy.  Then he let out a bark of laughter again and waved his hand.  "It's a stupid and selfish way of life, no matter how one looks at it."

"Stupid and selfish," Carter commented calmly, sipping his water as if he were used to this type of conversation at the holiday table.  "What did I do to deserve such high praise?"

"At least you acquire intelligent friends,"  Mr. Carter growled, his blue eyes sparkling at Lucy. 

Lucy found herself grinning. "Thank you."

Mr. Carter inclined his head and gave her a small wink.  It was offered as encouragement and Lucy accepted it with a smile. 

She glanced at Carter who was watching her very intently.  Their eyes locked for a brief moment, and Lucy felt her heartbeat quicken. She tore her eyes away from his and forced herself to ignore the pounding of her heart against her ribs.  

Lucy spent the rest of the dinner trying to convince herself that these feelings were nothing—just a result of the tension amongst the table.  However, she didn't quite succeed.

            When the last course was cleared from the table and the family rose from their seats, Lucy tried not to sigh with relief.  She could literally hear her sofa at home calling out to her and she turned to Carter to tell him that she wanted to leave, but he was not in the dining room.  

            A confused minute later, he walked into the room.  "Hey, sorry about that, there was something I had to… check on."

            "No problem.  Do you think, I mean, would it be really rude if I left? I really want to get home-"

            "Hang on, there's something I want to show you first."

            "What is it?"

            "Come on."

            She hesitated, hating the suspicion she felt.  "Where?"

            "Come on," he repeated and took her hand.

            Carter lead down a huge marble staircase and down a long hallway.  "Why can't you just tell me what-"

            "Because.  Here we go," he opened a door and held it for her and Lucy cautiously stepped inside.  

Her mouth dropped open.  She was standing inside a large room, which held about twenty leather recliners all facing a television that was almost as big as a movie theater screen.  There were speakers attached to the wood paneled walls and a huge wrought iron chandelier hung from the ceiling, with bright red bulbs inside the candle holders, reminding Lucy of something that belonged in a medieval castle.  Also adorning the walls were huge portraits of old Hollywood and Lucy recognized Jeannette McDonald and Betty Grable, each in it's own ornate frame.  She felt as though she were in some kind of old-fashioned movie theater.

After staring at the room in awe, Lucy turned to Carter.  "This is… I mean… I don't…" She stopped stuttering and let out a breath.  "I can't believe you have a movie theater in your _house_."

Carter grinned.  "You like it?"

She sent him an amused look with her eyes.  "It's really cool, I have to admit."

"Yeah," he said walking over to a portrait of Betty Grable.  "I hardly ever come down here, but I used to all the time when I was a kid. Years and years ago, this room was used for private movie viewings for actors and actresses.  An actual projector screen pulls down in front of the television.  That's what they used.  I wouldn't be surprised if Betty herself sat here once."

"Wow…" she breathed.  "Who did this house belong to before your family?"

"It's always been in the family.  My Great Grandfather had various… Hollywood contacts."

Lucy stared up at the portrait.  "I can feel it, you know? It's like there's… an aura in here that reminds me of every Katharine Hepburn movie I've ever seen. Does that sound stupid?"

"No." He cleared his throat. "That's it exactly."

Just then there was a small knock at the door and a man in a black uniform appeared.  "Everything is ready, Mr. Carter.  Do you want me to get the screen?"

"I got it. Thanks, James." Carter walked over to a wall and pressed a button. At once a thin white screen feel from the ceiling to the floor in front of the television.

"Pick a seat," he told her.

"What are you doing?" she asked, smiling at his mysterious grin.

"Do you have to ask questions about everything?" he demanded.  "Just pick a seat.

Sending him another look, Lucy went to the back row of chairs and settled herself in the middle.  Carter sat next to her and raised a small remote.  "Ready?"

"For what?" she laughed.

Carter clicked a button and the lights went out.  He clicked another and the screen lit up with a black and white FBI Warning notice, signaling the beginning of a film.

"Where watching a movie?" she asked in surprise, a slow grin spreading across her face. "Which one?"

But she soon had her answer as a huge bell appeared on the screen and the sound of it's deep, deep ringing filled the room. Her heart positively soared. "It's a Wonderful Life?!"

He sent her a sideways grin as the old fashioned credits began to roll. "I felt kind of… guilty you missed it today."

She could cry, Lucy thought to herself; she could just burst into happy tears right here.  But she didn't.  Instead she followed Carter's lead and kicked off her shoes and he showed her how to make her chair recline.  Lucy lay back in her cushy chair, her heart very full and thinking that right now, there was no place on earth she would rather be.

 To Be Continued . . .

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Other fanfic by Casca at:

Between the Lines - A Fanfic Archive


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